Confessions of an old year: 2013

2013 was pretty swell. I began a good job, reconnected with tons of friends and I started writing, reading and cooking more. I have found that I am more reflective in my writing and I have been learning more about myself through the practice. In these reflections, however, I found that there are little bits of me that may appear, well, kind of embarrassing.

These are my confessions for a year gone by:

1. Sometimes at rest, my face is a bitch face. I'm so sorry if my smug demeanor has ever offended you, but, well, that's my face. My thinking face is even worse - it's like bitch face meets angry brow. Whenever I'm writing I have the thinking face on and my husband always asks me at least once, "Is everything okay?" Yeah, babe, it's just my face. 
2. Vanity sucks. I hate makeup and fashionable clothes, accessories, done up nails...except there's one problem: I'd like to be pretty and I've considered stepping up my own vanity game. I think this is me getting old. I hate the thought of talking about beauty, too, but it might have to happen in the new year. Egad. I blame Pinterest.
3. Pope Francis rules. He's like a South American Pope John Paul II, who was also the man. I think these guys really exemplify the BEST religion has to offer. The Catholic Church really needs a dude like Pope Francis, who I already think is going to have the same dramatic effect on the world that Pope John Paul did. While I no longer practice Catholicism, if I did, I would super, duper proud to have Pope Francis as a leader. As a fellow human being, I'm super duper happy that Pope Francis is at the helm and leading by example. 
4. The radio has been getting a lot of play in my car. I listen to pop now and played Christmas music since Thanksgiving. I've enjoyed using my Shazam to find new music, including new hip-hop, some Eurotrash and, yes, another confession...
5. I like dub step. A friend was describing the sound of dub step while ridiculing it a while ago and I was like "Oh crap, I think I like that stuff."  And, alas, I do.
6. Continuing with the pop music confessions... I think I like Miley Cyrus. I only really like "Can't Stop" - it's Miley's personality as a free, wild woman that I like more. While I understand that people have called her inappropriate, and some have even pegged some of her activities as racially insensitive, I don't actually feel that this young woman is spiteful or hateful. Is she naive? Perhaps, but then again, which of us was the pinnacle of wisdom and responsibility at age 21? We don't all get to be like Miley - doing whatever we want, whenever we please in as few articles of clothing as we dare...but she does. And she's doing it and apologizing for none of it. One of my mantras this year (and will remain for years to come) is "Stay true to yourself." Miley has done exactly that. And while I don't love her antics, with her silly tongue protruding from her face and her jiggly thighs flopping around all over the place, I love that she is herself and gives zero cares what people think. She's not hurting anyone, she's clearly having the time of her life and she's staying true to herself. I wouldn't invite her to dinner, but I'd give her a high five for sure.
7. I'm still in the recovery stages of my long battle with workaholism. While I am MUCH better this year about working off the clock, I still slip. However, this last year I have ensured that my time is no longer monopolized by a job. I deeply care about my work and am a dedicated employee, but at the end of the day, the expectation is not to work 50-60 hours a week. I'm not a high powered attorney, a doctor on call or anything like that. The work will be there when it's time to work. This boundary has been a difficult one for me to draw, because I've always been so eager and willing to go the extra thousand miles. Yet when I think about the cost of my behavior, my precious personal time, I shudder at the thought of things that bring me joy that I neglect - riding my bike, cooking for my husband, reading a book, writing, visiting my parents and snuggling with their puppy. We all have very limited time on this planet. Much of it is spent sleeping, much of it working and then there's that finite bit that you get to LIVE with. I'm working on my addiction to work and so far I've really enjoyed the benefits of TRUE personal time. 

Reflections on the first twenty-some years

Life moves faster than hell. I can see why people are so intrigued by the mystique of memory, the accuracy of history, the perception of time and the characteristics of age. Today, I grow a year older. I took the day off for the first time in my working life. Upon reflection, I am surprised at how quickly life complicates itself and then works itself out and continues that strange cycle indefinitely. Here's what I was able to capture in a moment:

This is a summary of the first quarter (hopefully) of my life. Alcoholism is a tragedy. Struggle is a gift. This life is nothing without others, especially family. Listening is more important than speaking. Listening is different from just hearing. Writing heals. Cash Rules Everything Around Me. It is not absurd to believe in humanity, regardless of the current circumstances. I am enchanted by New York City. I am hopelessly in love with Detroit. My name is Eva that's what I got so far.

Today also made me wonder if people underestimate the power of social networking. Before today I think I might have even underestimated it a little myself. A lot of people left me a message on my Facebook and I was touched by all the well wishes. Many of those messages had a special note, a nickname, a funny suggestion on how to spend the day. Seeing all the folks who responded was like taking a trip back through time and the nostalgia made me happy. I'm finding this to be the whole point of today. I have lived another year and it was great.

Finally, each birthday I look at how much I've progressed on my life goals. These are some of my fun-based goals.

• Go to all 30 MLB ballparks (it's actually more due to new parks opening up). Current count is seven: Comerica Park (Detroit), Progressive Field, or as I know it: Jacobs Field (Cleveland, OH), Great American Ballpark (the 'Nati, OH), Minute Maid Park (Houston, TX), Old Yankee Stadium (NYC), US Cellular Field (The Chi), Wrigley Field (The Chi).
• Go to all 30 NHL stadiums. So far only four: Detroit, Chicago, Nashville and Columbus.
• Go to a World Cup, preferably in North America or Europe.
  
• Read a book weekly.
• Ride a thousand miles (or more!) each year on my bike.

Even the unworthy are worth learning from...

Today I had a chance to quietly ponder Howard Zinn's wise words and how they apply to my life:

"You read a book, you meet a person, you have a single experience, and your life is changed in some way. No act, therefore, however small, should be dismissed or ignored."

My life has been packed with amazing mentors and people that have inspired me in ways that will stay with me throughout my existence. My teachers have engaged my intellect. My family has supported me in every endeavor and celebrated every success. My friends are an extension of my family. My employers keep me on my toes and guide me as I continue to grow as a leader. My employees continue to remind me how lucky I am to have such a great group to work with. The saying, "You're only as good as the people you surround yourself with" holds very true in my case. Without all of these people, I am nothing.

However, it's not only all of those brilliant, good-hearted, loving, caring, scholarly, funny, passionate people that have had an influence on me. Every person I've ever met is important to how my life has unfolded - even all the complete a**holes.

People that lack in character, knowledge, discipline, work ethic, positivity, manners, class and the like might seem like piles of crap to be ignored, but they are not. Recently I reflected on the people that I did not, under any circumstance, want to turn into. Whether they were just complete fools or just lonely jerks that put on the "I'm too cool for school" front, they have all been very important to me.

The reason is that I have seen parts of myself within these people. I listened to their words and watched their actions and realized how familiar they were. In my head I would think about how lame they were, but then about how I was exhibiting the very same behavior. I allowed myself to succumb to peer pressure and follow the lemmings that whined and complained about how this sucked and that sucked and Detroit sucks and Michigan sucks and work sucks and so do those people over there and those people over there...and...

ENOUGH.

I do not want to covet what others have. I want to appreciate what I have. I did not want to judge every single person for their personal decisions. My actions haven't always been sound in the past, so why judge others that are working through their own lives the best they know how? No longer am I interested in doing it myself because I can do it better than everyone else. I want to teach and share every skill I have. Knowledge is not only cool, but better when shared in large quantities.

My point is this: every experience is worthwhile, even if it's shared with people you might think are unworthy. One can learn from every set. And I have. A lot.

5 Things I'm Thankful for: Holiday 2009 Edition

This Christmas was easily one of the best I've had in the last decade or more. You might wonder how I managed to pull off such a positive experience when we are in the midst of such economic hardship. The answer lies in one word: people. When times are tough all we truly have to support us are the people around us. Here are five people, of hundreds, that I am grateful for:

1. My fiancé. Duh. We've been together for over a decade now and this Christmas we shared with our families that we're tying the knot.
2. My mom. Double duh. I am lucky to be of the same DNA as this woman.
3. My dad. Duh*3. He is a true warrior and the root of my intellect.
4. My Babcia (grandma). This little lady crossed the Atlantic in search of her brother many years ago. In doing so she also helped us to defect from Communist Poland and to eventually become American citizens as a family.
5. My boss. OK, I'm cheating with this one, because this refers to many different people. When someone believes in you it changes your life each time it happens (or it should anyway). I've been fortunate.

5 things I'm Grateful for: Detroit Edition

In the spirit of positivity, I've decided to share five things I'm grateful for in Detroit. Here goes:

1. Detroit Red Wings: They were the first team my family started rooting for when we arrived in Detroit back in 1985. In my college years I loved writing for the Wings. They are sometimes called the "Yankees" of hockey, but that's really inaccurate. The Wings have tremendous scouting, especially in Europe. They also have an amazing front office headed by Kenny Holland and Jimmy D. The Yankees buy who they want, the Wings research, grow, wheel and then deal to make this a haven for those who crave championships.
2. Detroit Tigers/Comerica Park: CoPa is my Tiger Stadium. I love going to the ballgame and whether the Tigers are going to the World Series or struggling to pull together a bullpen, I will always love to visit my favorite ballpark on earth.
3. Wayne State University: OK, listen, this is one of the most important institutions in Detroit. I got my Library degree there and made a ton of contacts - everyone from librarians to archivists to lawyers. This is where Detroit's rebirth begins.
4. Food & Beverage: Cass Cafe, Traffic Jam, Motor City Brewery, Old Campus, Wasabi, Detroit Beer Company, Foran's, Greenwich, Cobo Joe's, Jacoby's, Z's Villa, Circa, Lefty's, Hockeytown Cafe, Slow's (when they're not running out of pulled pork), and other fine dining establishments keep my belly happy.
5. Beautiful Family; Beautiful Friends: Home is where the heart is and the heart is where my family and friends are. Detroit is the core of my existence, because this is where my favorite people live (well, most of them). Detroiters are like no one else and I love them (even if some of them are total jerks).

5 Positive Things

Lately I've been looking for ways to fend off negativity, please pardon the hippie-speak. I have found that a great way to lift negativity is to smile it off or scold myself out loud if I'm not around others. A technique I wished I used more often is taking time out to consider the day's gifts. Each time I do yoga I set an intention, but that is to start the day. Each day offers a lot and I'd like to try and reflect more on what those things are.

Someone retweeted a very simple question (@WritingSpirit retweeted @GlennaMageau for those keeping score): what are 5 positive things that happened in your life today? Here are mine:

1. Hung out with a bunch of super fun people in the VIP section of a snazzy Detroit club.
2. Made and enjoyed sandwiches for lunch and salmon with rice and peas for dinner.
   
3. Completed my budget for April. I'm really starting to figure this finance junk out :).
   
4. I slept in and then took a nap.
5. Listened to a bunch of Business Week and Bloomberg podcasts.
   

Simultaneous sweet and sucky Sunday: Nine Inch Nails albums

Today's simultaneously sweet and sucky thing I discovered was the fact that there are NO Nine Inch Nails albums available through MelCat.org (with the exception of those I own). That's sweet because it indicates people are rocking out to the oldies but goodies. Of course, it's also sucky, because I cannot enjoy the goodies. I mean, come on, Pretty Hate Matchine? March of the Pigs? That's good stuff. But, I shall be the good little librarian and wait my for my stinkin' turn.

I'm well overdue to see a dang NIN show.

Not ready for one job

Writing is all about rewriting and this instance is no exception. When I got a new full time job, I decided that I would keep all of my jobs. I currently have five. Next week I'll be working well over 60 hours.

When I told people that this was what I was intending to do this, they all looked at me like I was crazy. I now know that I was. Before I realized that, though, I got defensive. You should have read this post about a week ago. It was: "Why don't people get me?" "Why do people doubt me?" Boo, hoo, hoo.

My problem is this: I think I know everything well before I actually experience it. What I thought this time around was that working a full time job and four part time gigs was manageable. In fact, it is, but not without some sacrifice and a side of blood, sweat and tears. Slight exaggeration, pardon, but you get my drift.

In the original post, I complained that explaining myself was tedious and I was getting tired of it. Now I understand the strange glances and confused questions. What I'm doing right now is bananas. It's very, very difficult. I'm not the one to admit I'm having a hard time with anything, but this experience has really made me take a step back and give my lifestyle a nice long look.

Nonetheless, I have an explanation for my mad behavior. I am going to alter my work schedule as I need to. For the time being, though, I'm going to roll up my sleeves and finish what I have begun.

So, to help some people understand my decision making:

• Career A.D.D. I haven't had just one job since I was 18 years old; I'm 26. I've juggled at least two since then and have only gained as I went along.


• Challenge. If it's too easy, I tend to lose interest quick. I find that be keeping multiple jobs, well of challenge never runs dry.


• Variety. This bullet point could combined with the one prior, but I really like my workday to be a diverse experience. I like to connect with people on a variety of levels, whether it be about their library experience, the writing craft or hockey.


• Yes I can! Another reason that I work so many jobs is, well, because I can. I'm good at time management and I like my work - all of it. I love libraries, researching, writing, hockey...the whole nine yards. Why would I give up so many good things? It's like giving up cheese - no thanks!


• Money is awesome. This goes without saying, really. I don't work for free. Volunteering stopped a few years back. And I gots to get paid. I have bills, ok? I'm looking to get my behind out of debt and FAST! Hanging out with friends and relaxing sounds absolutely delightful, however friends don't pay the bills and neither does relaxing. I like having a roof over my head. I want to start traveling again, buy running shoes, and pay off my student loans. And I love the work I do, which gives me money to accomplish these grown-up feats. It's quite simple.

It's not quite that simple. The money is great, sure, but it's been a rough ride. Nothing worth the fight is ever easy, so I'm battling on, but it's taking some getting used to. So, dear friends, I'll see you on the other side. I will miss you for a bit. Tell my books I miss them. Tell sleep I long for its beautiful spell. Tell exercise I swear I will learn to wake early. Tell my diet I haven't forgot my promise.

This is not easy, but I'll be damned if I end up a quitter. There's people out there that bust their humps for less and would think that I'm not only a crybaby for not embracing all this work, but plain stupid for not taking the opportunities when financial doom and gloom surrounds us.

Last day as an intern

Yesterday was my last day as an intern at Southfield Public Library. I thought about how strange it is to turn in a two-week notice. My transition to a new job has never been quite like this. Before it's always been "My contract ends on so and such date."

It was not necessarily a sad day. I loved my experience at SPL, but I am really excited to take the next step and shed the intern title. I will actually serve as a substitute librarian there, but I'm going to miss seeing the people on a daily basis. The staff was full of excellent people and everyone from the head guy to the volunteers were critical to running the library like a well-oiled machine. No library is perfect, but SPL is pretty dang awesome. It was a fun ride.

So, I was sitting here trying to figure out what to write about my last day at SPL and found it was nothing too compelling. I had a few little projects floating around, including Ebay research for a class and leaving a pirate message on my boss's voicemail (see International Talk Like a Pirate Day). Some tasks I finished on my own. Others were ongoing and needed to be passed on.

We enjoyed coffee and donuts. We rocked the reference and fiction desks. I skipped lunch, because I chowed on one too many donuts and wanted to shoot the breeze. At about 3:30, I really started feeling the lame duck status sinking in (read: crashing from donut sugar high).

That was it. There were no sappy goodbyes or tears, which was great. I'll take laughing and telling stories over weeping like a dork any day! We all understood that I wasn't leaving the state. I was sticking around as a substitute. Of course, I'm still a patron and I found friends there that I'm pretty sure are going to be lifers.

I think I'll write about how both of my internships changed my life at a different time, but it's safe to say that working at SPL was one of the coolest places to work, ever. Not perfect, but close.

Millennial Blog

I have come to the conclusion that I am, in fact, a Millennial. I'm on the cusp, being almost too old to be included. Yet, my outgoing personality, my craving to learn and write constantly and my pathetic need to be connected at all times drops me in the category that consists of teens that IM while doing EVERYTHING; people that get hurt by walking and texting at the same time; people that check their Fantasy Leagues on their phones; and people that make plans using Facebook. Yep, I'm that person. And I love it.

A little while back, the Atlantic had an amazing article about the way technology changes the way we think called "Is Google making us stupid?". It's a pretty good article and it really made me realize how my thinking has been affected by technology. This was also the point that I realized that I was a Millennial, even if I was an "old" one.

The article addressed all kinds of stuff. It talked about Nietzsche. It talked about how Chinese characters make different parts of the brain work versus the alphabet. It talked about the invention of the clock and how we got to sleep, eat and all that by the clock, not by our natural senses. It talks about Taylor's industrial philosophy and what an algorithm is: the idea of living by precise directions. The author wraps it up with some ancient philosopher talk. It's a seamless article and the author gets creative with the 2001 reference and what Kubrick meant. I understand the movie more then ever. I thought the article was really well written. I loved it and the understanding it brought me. It wasn't strictly about Generation Y, but it definitely hit on a few Millennial points.

Hence, I have been a little more aware of literature about my alleged generation. Here's a couple of other things I picked up:

Millennial Voters - Washington Post
This is a review about the book Youth to Power by Keli Goff. The book looks at how the Millennial generation is changing the face of politics. Looks interesting.

Faces of the Future - CNN
Here's a slide show of twenty-somethings that are leading the charge in some of the biggest, baddest companies around. It gives all those folks my age looking for work hope.

Job-hopping Gen Yers aren't disloyal. They're smart. - CNN
This article covers how Gen Yers job hop because they don't trust the old routine of working for one employer and then being unceremoniously thrown to the curb. We're a wary bunch, the author says, and we're taking every opportunity we can. Gen Yers learned from the Baby Boomers and they're not sticking around to get screwed by the man. The Gig is a cool blog about Generation Y, so make sure to check out all the other posts, too.

Leading Generation Y - United State Army
This is a PDF of the Army's strategy to train the Millennials in the Armed Forces. It says in the conclusion that:

"The key focus of Army leaders at every level should be the mentoring and development of Generation Y. Understanding their values, appealing to their techno-savvy upbringing, providing feedback, adjusting the design of the training base, and attempting to balance work with life are all areas that leaders should focus on to help keep this new generation around for the fight."

Professional Inspiration

Although I have promised myself that I would keep this blog as non-personal as possible, I went on a journey these last few days that simply could not be put into a technical, cut-and-dry synopsis. It was so much more.

On Wednesday, myself and my dear friends from school, Ronee and Jennifer, set off for Chicago. The Society of American Archivists Annual Conference awaited us there. It was all our first and certainly not our last.

I cannot speak for what anyone else was at the conference for, but the place offered so much to so many, from a Career Workshop, to top-notch sessions, to a glorious reception with booze and yummy eats. I went there for inspiration.

Going in, I felt that I was slowly going into exile as far as the archival profession was concerned. Granted, I'm working on a digitization project at Southfield Public Library, but I felt that I was really wrapping myself more in library work than archival.

Further, I have a directed study as my last course about archival education. About two weeks ago, I started having doubts and thought it'd be best if I just took a regular class and be done with it.

After this conference, both of those last two paragraphs are insignificant. I am ready to get knee-deep in the digitization project and introduce some useful tools. I want to develop our backend capability with the Archivists' Toolkit and begin creating a prototype for a searchable interface for patrons. I want to create a website with a bunch of my own things (resume, blog links, etc) and also for a survey to get my research going. I feel that what I've seen at the conference these last two days (incredible sessions, by the way) that my initial hypothesis is looking like it's on the right track.

I won't blather on (yet). But it is safe to say that I am inspired. I have turned from exile and am returning to the archival promised land. And it's all thanks to Sweet Home Chicago.